


The Hurt

by eversinceniall



Category: Pierce the Veil, Sleeping With Sirens
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Broken Promises, Crying, Depression, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, and it means a lot to me so, it's very poetic i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-24
Updated: 2017-09-24
Packaged: 2019-01-04 19:48:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12175479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eversinceniall/pseuds/eversinceniall
Summary: Kellin falls apart. Vic is there to pick up the pieces. Until he isn't





	The Hurt

>>>

**Hurt keeps me anchored to the ground. But the ground is crumbling beneath my feet.**

>>>

"Are you okay?" Vic asks, and that's what starts it all.

Kellin's not okay, is the thing. He's a vulnerable, broken, strung out mess, and he knows that. But he's also needy and desperate for someone to fucking listen.

So he shakes his head, and - for the first time ever - tells the truth.

"No, I'm not. I'm so fucking lost. I feel like the world is swallowing me whole and I'm clawing at the broken ground, trying to pull myself out. But I'm stuck. I'm fucking stuck and I can't get out. I can't get out, Vic, I can't get out." Kellin says, and he's sobbing, giving his hair frantic tugs.

He's done this countless times before, cried until his eyes hurt and pulled at his hair until it came out in clumps, tangled around his fingers. Only difference is, this time he's not alone. This time Vic is watching him, quiet and cautious, witnessing his breakdown but not uttering a word. That makes Kellin panic even more, fingers wrapping tighter around locks of raven black hair.

"It'll be okay. It's okay. I'm here, I'm here. I'm here for you." Vic says finally, and he pulls Kellin into his arms. Kellin sinks into him, into his embrace and breathes him in. He's so soft and warm and sweet. "I'm here, baby. You're strong. You're so so fucking strong. You're gonna pull through this."

Kellin shakes his head, forehead throbbing with an oncoming headache. He grips onto the material of Vic's shirt, rubbing the soft cotton between the pads of his fingers and clinging tight to Vic's body, pressed up against his own. "I'm not strong though. Don't you realize that? I'm fucking weak. I'm so weak that I can't even deal with the things going on inside my own head. How pathetic is that?"

"You're not pathetic." Vic says, voice firm and hard, disapproving even. His breath ghosts across the shell of Kellin's ear, and Kellin shivers at the sensation, hugs him harder. "You're not pathetic. You're the strongest person I know. Look how long you've held on, all on your own. You're so tough. But it's okay to cry, and hurt. It's okay to hurt and it doesn't make you weak."

"I'm not strong, you know. I know I'm not. But it's okay if you think I am. The only time I'm strong is when I'm with you. You make me strong." Kellin says, his entire body shaking and his words trembling with the effort. He tightens his hold on Vic, thinks, never let me go.

"I'll always be here with you. You know that, right? I'm not going anywhere. I promise you that. I'm here forever."

Empty promises, Kellin thinks, mouth full of lies. Don't make promises you can't keep.

"Liar." Kellin chokes out, his throat sore and aching. His eyes water against his will, his cheeks flushing with anger and fear. "Don't say that. Don't promise me things like that."

"Why?" Vic asks, curious, and still so fucking warm. His grip tightens around Kellin's middle. "Why not? Why shouldn't I?"

"Because-" Kellin exhales harshly, and closes his eyes so the tears don't fall. Breathe, he tells himself, remember to breathe. "Because that'll just make it hurt even more when you leave."

Vic scoffs, a soft indignant huff of air. Kellin squeezes his eyes shut even tighter, tries to ignore how safe he feels in Vic's arms. Safe. So, so safe. "I'm not going to leave you. I'm staying right here. By your side. I'm not going anywhere."

"You will." Kellin says, sincere and certain. He knows, knows how this goes. It never turns out well. "You will. You'll get tired of me eventually. I'm too much. Too much to deal with and I'm not getting any better. Never getting any better."

"You'll get better. And - and even if you don't... even if you don't, I'm not going anywhere." Vic tells him, reassuring, and words so meaningful.

He means those words now, but won't later. Kellin should have known better.

"Y-you promise?" Kellin asks, his voice shaking, and hope bubbling up to the surface. He wonders, can I believe you? "You mean it? You gotta fucking mean it, because -because I can't lose you. I just can't. This has gotta be real."

Everyone promises things, and then fails to stay true to those promises. Vic isn't any different, Kellin knows that, but entertains the thought that maybe he can be.

"I promise." There's a pause, and silence drags on. Their breaths hang heavy in the air. "I love you."

Kellin cries harder, burying his face in his hands as he weeps. Tears of joy or tears of fear? He doesn't know. "I - I'm scared."

"Darling, what are you scared of?" Vic asks gently, his hands rubbing circles into the bare, heated skin where Kellin's shirt has ridden up.

"I'm scared... because if I say it back, it makes this so much more real, us so much more real. And I won't be able to take it back when you want me to."

"This is real. We are real. And I love you. Nothing is going to change that." Vic says, his voice thick with emotion yet still utterly gentle. His words are like liquid honey melting over Kellin's head, enveloping him, warming him.

Kellin hesitates, weighing the pros and cons of what he wants to say, but in the end, there's nothing else for him to lose. "I love you, too. It scares me just how much I love you."

Vic sighs, his muscles relaxing beneath Kellin's touch. "There's nothing to be scared of, because I love you, too. And everything is gonna be alright. You'll be okay. I promise."

"You don't know that."

"I don't." Vic agrees. "But here's hoping, yeah?"

Kellin tucks his face into Vic's neck, and tries to calm the frantic beating of his heart. He whispers words against soft skin. "Here's hoping."

"This is forever." Vic says, so quietly that Kellin isn't sure he heard him right. "You and I - we're forever."

>>>

"It's not working." Vic says, as they stand in the middle of Kellin's bedroom. His eyes are soft with pity, but not regret. "We need to break up."

Kellin can't say he didn't expect this, but that doesn't mean it hurts any less. His heart drops into his stomach, and he stares at Vic, eyes shiny and wet. "What?"

"We need to break up." Vic repeats, his hands resting on Kellin's shoulders, a soft, caring touch.

The skin where Vic's hands rest burns under the material of Kellin's sweater.

"W-why?" Kellin stutters out, even though he knows the answer. He's too much, too fucking much, but he never means enough to stay.

"I -" Vic's hands drop from his shoulders, falling to his sides where they hang limply. "I don't -"

Kellin knows what he's going to say before he says it, and he stops breathing for a moment, his breath hanging in the air, heavy with anticipation. Everything inside him is screaming, screaming and crying, and suffering.

"I don't love you anymore." Vic says finally and he exhales like it's a weight off his chest.

He exhales like it feels good, like he hasn't just spat and stomped on Kellin's heart, his love, like it's nothing.

Liar, you fucking liar! Kellin wants to scream. You love me - you told me you loved me and you promised you wouldn't leave.

But instead he just gasps around the sob that rises up in his throat, his hands scrambling for something to hold onto, something to anchor him, because he feels like he's floating away, feels like he's losing control. His hands find refuge in his hair, and he pulls so hard it hurts.

"Y-you promised me..." Kellin says and whimpers. "You said - you said you weren't going to leave me!"

"Things change."

Kellin slaps a hand over his mouth to try to block out the desperate, heart-wrenching sobs escaping his mouth. His vision is so impaired from the tears that he can't see straight - Vic is just a blurry figure in his eyes now and Kellin wonders if that's some sort of symbolism for Vic's leaving. He wants to laugh at the thought.

"Why?" Kellin asks finally, when he's sorted himself out, when he's not too overwhelmed to talk. "What changed between us?"

"Nothing." Vic sighs, impatient and exasperated, as if he has the right to be. "And that's the problem."

"What do you mean?" Kellin asks, taking a step forward to clutch desperately at Vic's arm.

"You aren't getting any better. I - I thought you would. I hoped and I hoped, but you aren't. I guess I had this silly idea that I could fix you." Vic says, and he places his warm hand on top of Kellin's.

Kellin doesn't know whether to pull away, or soak up the warmth of the last affection gesture he'll ever get from Vic. He goes with the latter because he's weak, and needy, and so so in love.

"I told you I wouldn't." Kellin says, biting down on his bottom lip until he draws blood. It's comforting in a way - a reminder that he can still hurt, still bleed. "I told you I wouldn't get better, and you said - you said you'd stay anyway.

"I guess I lied." Vic says, and gives Kellin's hand one last squeeze before he pulls his away. "I'm sorry."

A fresh wave of tears well up in Kellin's sore eyes. He wants to know why Vic is so calm and unaffected - wants to know if Vic ever loved him to begin with. "How can you say that? How can you do this - break it off, just like that?"

Vic shrugs, and takes a step back. He's leaving slowly, plotting his escape, his exit. "I meant it when I said it. But things are different. The way I feel is different."

"What happened to forever, Vic?" Kellin asks, reaching out to touch him and then thinking better of it. He's not sure he could handle watching Vic flinch away from his touch. "Tell me. What happened to fucking forever? You and me..."

"Forever is too long." Vic says. "It's too long when it's with you."

And fuck.

Fuck.

Kellin tries to hold himself together, but he feels like he's going to break. Is it possible to break when you're already so broken?

"I hate you." He gasps out.

Vic shakes his head, and smiles sadly, pitiful. "No, you don't, Kellin."

"You're right." Kellin sobs, hand over his chest like it'll stop the pain. "I don't."

"I'm sorry." Vic says softly. "I'm sorry. I'll... I'll see you around, Kellin."

Kellin watches him walk away, counts the steps it takes him to walk right out of Kellin's life. Vic doesn't look back, not even a glance, and Kellin thinks that must be some sort of symbolism, too. For what, he doesn't quite know.

But he leaves. One minute he's there, and the next he's gone, having left Kellin all alone, standing in the middle of his bedroom and sobbing until he feels like he can't breathe.

What is air? Kellin wonders as he chokes on something like a mixture between a whimper and a gasp. He's not sure he's ever been able to breath until Vic came into his life, and now he's gone, and taken the oxygen with him.

This is what Kellin is best at; falling apart and breaking in half. But above that, he's best at chasing people away, frightening them with his intensity, his neediness, the sad.

He was stupid to believe in a forever with Vic. Forever is too far away, and no one ever stays.

>>>

**The hurt took you away. Forever is a fairytale, when the hurt knows your name.**

>>>


End file.
